Deliberate Parenting
Sobo Olajumoyimikaakiri, H.O.D Language Department, GCI (2021)
An English dictionary defines parenting as the process of raising and educating a child from birth until adulthood.
A good, well-developed and growing society (nation or country) stems from good parenting skills put in place by individuals known as parents on other individuals-children in a famly.
Our society today is chaotic because of confused individuals who became confused because of the carelessness of their parents at one time or the other.
The definition of parenting as stated above shows that any laxity at any of the stages of parenting will obviously reflect in the individual later in life. Hence, parenting is DELIBERATE! It has to be Consciously done with no stone left unturned.
Parenting demands from us the following:
P-Passion
A-Action
R-Rebuking
E-Encouraging
N-Nursing
T-Teaching
I-Instructing
N-Nourish
G-Giving
Passion
Fervor is what keeps us going when faced with life's challenges- parenting challenges in this case. Funny enough, the challenging part of parenting starts from the conception of the little one.
As a matter of fact, if as a parent, you will not give up on a child, then it has to be that one is passionate about that child because, where your passion is; there you will exert your strength.
One has to have great, strong and powerful emotion towards once child / children, else, when they come up with seemingly frustrating attitude, one can be browned off and give up.
Action
The actions we put up parenting shows how deliberative we are at it. Actions like praying instead of cursing and positive confessions in place of complaining are very important for us to imbibe while parenting.
Hmmm... I just remembered an action my father deliberately put up some years back to politely show a young man he cares about his
teenage daughter. I was coming from choir rehearsals and this brother sincerely decided to walk me down the bushy parts of the road home.
Suddenly, I saw my dad's car approaching us, he gently reduced the volume of his car radio and said'.. thank you Victor, Jummy, come in, l'll take you home'. You know what, he was actually going elsewhere, but
because he saw me and a guy walking through a bushy part in the night, he changed his direction. Hmmmm.... You feel this is OVERPROTECTION right? NO! Well, I consider it a good action, especially because of the way it was carried out.
Rebuking
This is one aspect of parenting most parents avoid while others 'over do'. These two extremes need to be watched out for. Remember, if you 'spare the rod' you will end up spoiling the child and also, you are not to exasperate your child but bring them up training them instructing them in the Lord.
The rod of the word of God should also be used (especially consistently when the child has passed the stage of actual rod). When we apply the rod at the wrong time or tor wrong reasons, we end up exasperating them and such a child can grow wild or uncontrollable.
Encouraging
Children, especially teenagers and young adults also have their challenging and rough times and they need their parents to identify with them at such times and encourage them with words and perhaps actions if need be.
This shows that we care and love them. If we don't, there are people out there who are willing to encourage them with what might take us
years to get out of them or even cost a life-long pain as some do not even leave them for the rest of their lives.
Teenagers have been introduced to pornography, masturbation,
gambling, drinking, smoking, sexual impurity as a way escape from teenage challenges when parents are carelessly not there. I have seen and heard teenagers seek consolations from outsiders and end up being sexually abused! God forbid that my son or daughter will pass me by to share his challenges with a stranger!!!
Nursing
A nurse is defined as one who brings up, rears, causes to grow, trauns, fosters, e.t.c. These are attributes a good parent should possess and exhibit. Yes, the word nurse is mostly related to women, yet, the duty of parenting is a father and mother responsibility. Anyone who finds himself in this shoe should be a nurse!
Our children- babies, teenagers, young adults, adults or whatever category they fall into need us to bring them up, help them to grow and train them.
Do not leave the responsibility of your children's well being into the hands of African magic, Nollywood and Hollywood, internet, social media and the likes.
These ones too can nurse but don't forget an adage (Yoruba) that says another person's eye cannot be like ones eye'. Guard your children's/ child's live(s) with all diligence.
Teaching (and Talking)
Another integral part of parenting is teaching the ability to show (someone) the way, to guide, conduct, instruct, educate and to pass
on knowledge.
The whole essence of a family is to help an individual to grow up and be guided by a people or person. No one can be an island. If this is not so, people would just have being dropping from the sky and then just keep growing on their own.
The reason we need to teach our children is because they do not know and they need to know. Just as a student needs a teacher to teach him the rudiments of a particular subject (though, he has the textbook) this is the same way children need their parents to teach them what they do not know or what they have been wrongly taught.
You as a parent should not assume your children know. Teach them that which is right, then, they will sieve from the knowledge they have and pick that which is right. This alphabet T is a bit loaded; it has talking as it other translation. The talking aspect means we really need to talk sense with (and into) our children at every stage, in tact right from the womb because they hear us. At least, I witnessed my baby responding to his dad's talks and sometimes mine with a kick.
Hmmmm.... You don't believe it right? Try it when next (or when) you get pregnant"...chuckles..." Really, our children need us to gist and talk with them.
They don't have to initiate the conversation; we can too, especially when their mood says they are not completely happy. There are times they also want to talk. Please, as much as it lies with you; do not shut a child up when he wants to talk to you. Listen to him Yes, it could be boring at times, but alas! It could also be shocking... soooo... SHOCKING!! So, listen to hum, let him talk to you and you talk back as well.
Inspire
Good and responsible parents infuse into the mind and communicate to the spirit of their children. To inspire is to affect as with a superior or supernatural influence. This is a bit spiritual. This is done, more often than not passively (especially on the part of the children as they infuse these inspirations passively). It really has to do with how we inspire and influence our children through our behaviour, actions and inactions.
We have a great influence on our children because of the position God has placed us and such, at least at first, they look up to us; they stop when we do not measure up to their expectation or when we consistently fail to exemplify principles we tell them to uphold. We ought to be great and good inspirations to them and this we must do
consciously and cautiously.
Nourish
Another core of the responsibility of parenting is the ability of such individual to feed, to promote the growth of a child; to furnish or sustain with nutriment. Food and I mean, good food, is essential to life. In fact, I bet to say that 'good food is tantamount to good life'. What I
mean by good food is balanced diet.
Children need to be well nourished physically and spiritually. If they are well fed with good food it affects their mental ability and strength. The ideas, values and principles that we feed them with, matters a lot in shaping and forming their behaviours, later in life. This also has to be deliberately done.
Good food is not difficult to get and also affordable. Talking about ideas, values and principles, children learn this a lot from their parents, hence, you need to be careful what you do and say when and when
your child/children is/are there. Even the behaviours we put up in their absence is a seed. Be careful the kind of seed you are sowing because, whatever you sow you'll reap.
Giving
While growing up, I really saw how sacrificially my parents gave to us. At a time, they had just one party lace! Hmmmm... they could do ANYTHING, no matter how ridiculous (in as much as it isn't ungodly) to give us the best!
They did all these with all joy. Friends, I dare to say that if you cannot give, you are not ready for parenting and/or you are not a complete
parent. This giving aspect is the sacrificial aspect of parenting. Intact, that you are a parent (whether voluntarily or you found yourself in that position) is an act of giving, because it means giving your whole life to
monitoring another or others (as the case maybe).
Hence, this giving is in cash and kind time, emotions, intellect, strength, mind and in all other wise that 'kind' means to you.
Dear friends, parenting is not passive, it is VERY ACTIVE. Be deliberate about it!